Off The Cuff Thursday: I’m So Mean (And Other Stuff)

This is what is on my mind today.

  • In the interest of full-disclosure, I have to admit that I’m not always kind. I’m straightforward, and sometimes  most of the time my straightforwardness puts people off. After being bullied for most of elementary school and Jr High, I developed a thick-skin. (Unfortunately, I had to go through years of depression, anxiety, and PTSD  to acquire that thick skin, but it is what it is) As a result, I automatically assume that everyone handles verbal jabs the same way that I do– either by ignoring them or by laughing them off. More often than not, I say something that I think is funny, but to the person I’m speaking to it’s rude, tactless, and uncaring. I have to work, every day, to curb this character flaw because if left unchecked, it can be destructive.

 

  • Living with peace is so sacred to me that I will do whatever I can in order to maintain it. I was an anxious child, who grew into an anxious teenager, and then I spent 7 years as an anxious adult. Admitting that I needed help was the best–and most humbling–thing I have done to date. I love to help others, but I can’t stand asking for assistance myself. Acknowledging that I was not perfect or indestructible meant that I could be human, with all of the messes and foibles that go with it. (See previous thought.) I can’t do everything, help everyone, and fit in to what others expect of me…and that’s okay. As the famous quote says, peace doesn’t mean the absence of chaos, difficulty, and disturbance, it means that you have an inner calm in spite of what is going on around you. Now I know what that feels like.

 

  • If I never get another blessing from God, I will still be thankful for the role He has played in my life. It seems as though the message of God’s love has been drowned out by much louder voices that preach hatred, intolerance, and division–while using the Bible to back their beliefs. Well, the God I chose to serve as a 14 year-old girl is only after one thing: reconciliation by unconditional love. 

 

  • I didn’t watch the entire season of The Bachelor Canada (It was on too late), but I have to say, we did pretty well. The bachelor was engaging, intelligent, and funny, and he really loves the woman he finally chose to marry (who is also a lovely person, and an R.N. like my mom 🙂 ) As an avid reality TV watcher, I think they’re the real deal. (I have watched lots of these shows. I can always tell.)

 

  • I heard on the news today that all internet, cellphone, and cable access has been blocked in Syria. This is beyond disturbing because it means that no news is coming out…or in. Sending prayers.

 

  • This morning I posted a random list of things my father has told me. He’s (infuriatingly) modest, but he’s one of the smartest people I know. When I was younger, I used to get annoyed when he gave me advice, but now that I’m older, I find myself asking his opinion. Since I’m me, I also tell him that some of his advice is wrong, but I’m glad to hear it nonetheless. Some people aren’t as blessed.

 

  • I don’t believe in karma. (I’m not well-read on the topic, but I think it has something to do with Hinduism?) I do believe that each person reaps whatever he or she sows. (Leave it to Jesus to give a parable about farming :P) So don’t expect rose garden when all you have planted are weeds.

 

  • Learning how to live comfortably with discomfort is better than having everything go your way. There’s a laziness that sets in when you grow too accustomed to being comfortable. You don’t work as hard. You take fewer risks in the interest of self-preservation, and you don’t always notice when things are about to go wrong for you. Discomfort, on the other hand, keeps you on your toes. Since you are always prepared for the worst, it doesn’t throw you off when your fears become reality. Handling distressing situations with grace is a sign of growth, and whenever you run away–or worse–try to control them, you run the risk of missing the lesson.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. I hope you’re doing well, and thank you for reading 🙂

Peace,

Erin

 

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