I came to this realization–by the way, I need to come up with a new word for that without using the internet. I’ll let you know what I find. Anyway, I came to this realization after reading a tweet by former Go-Go, Kathy Valentine. She mentioned that whenever she finds inconsistencies, B.S. and lies, she becomes narrowly-focused on finding the truth. (My words, not hers)

I should have been a detective because I possess an inherent mistrust of people (I trust God, and my parents. Everyone else has to prove themselves), the gift (or curse) of always being able to tell when people are lying, and the ability to see connections between events and consequences–especially when they are not obvious. Oh, I’m also paranoid enough to be a total failure at taking things at face value.

For example, around this time last year, I approached a former boss with an HR issue. After the cursory, “I’m so sorry you feel that way”, the person told me that they would do everything in their power to make the situation right. That would be comforting to most people, but not me. Instead, I thought, “Yeah, easy for you to say when I’m right in your face. How about I ‘bug’ your office and see how you really feel.”

People who are ordinary would not immediately leap from, “I don’t think you’re being honest with me”, to, “I’m going to put a recording device in your office to see if you’re lying”. But I’m not ordinary. Not even a little bit. I never acted on it, (thank God. It’s actually illegal) but the fact that it even occurred to me shows that I would make a stellar private eye. Or conspiracy theorist.

When I was a kid, I used to carry a notebook so I could write down if anyone did anything that I found suspicious or creepy. Highest on my “creep” radar was my childhood friend’s step-dad. (I avoided him like the plague) Later, when I was in my teens, I found out that he was in jail for being a pedophile. I wasn’t surprised at all because I just *knew* there was something off about him.

I have only been wrong a few times since then, and those situations usually involve me overriding my initial  instincts because I like the person.

Now that, I think about it, I still write everything down. I have a journal in which I write down the numbers of every single shipment I have received at work. (My average since May of 2012: 103.5 units per day) I also write down when something odd happens. Like when the shift supervisor casually implied that I had taken a customer’s e-reader because they couldn’t distinguish the difference between, “The lady in black has my e-reader”, versus, “The black lady has my e-reader.” (That happened on October 24th 2012,12:35 pm.) There were apologies, and a “Ha  ha! wasn’t that silly?”  and everything was fine.

Yeah, it was silly all right, but it’s still in the book.

Due to my attention to detail, I noticed that the documents I post are in numerical order and the ones I process on the computer are in a different order than the ones posted on the hand held device. I also noticed that the earlier I start working the less likely those numbers are to skip ahead. (I can always tell when the receivers in other stores have started work because my document numbers skip ahead by at least 10 places)

(I know I’m odd. I’m over it, and everyone else should get over it too!)

Another thing: if I don’t know much about a topic I will research it until I know a lot. I love researching things, which is why I need to be in university, rather than in retail. One of my coworkers told me that, while she enjoys working with me, my talents are going to waste where we work. Other than my talent for making snide remarks to everyone, moving product, and figuring out devious plots, both real and imagined, I don’t know what she’s talking about.

I guess my greatest talent is for overcoming challenges. It’s one of the few things that I don’t mind taking partial credit for. When things get difficult, giving up is the last thing on my mind. The first thing is finding a way to move past the obstacle. If I can’t move past it, I’ll jump over it. If I can’t jump over it, I’ll push it out of the way. If I can’t push it out of the way, I’ll destroy it. Either way, I don’t really view challenging situations as obstacles as much as I see them as opportunities to test my faith and strength, and as a learning experience. Plus I love figuring things out, which has always worked to my advantage.

The last thing that would qualify me as a good private eye: I don’t get frazzled easily–if at all. Emotions cloud your judgment, and if I’m going to display any emotion, I’d prefer it to be for something substantial. Finding out that someone is talking about me behind my back isn’t substantial. Having a messy workspace isn’t substantial. Finding out that your cousin had a stroke, months after his wife died, that’s substantial.

In art college, I learned how to draw by using perspective. When I considered the placement of the subject relative to the scenery around him or her, I was able to render a realistic drawing. In life, I learned that knowing where I stand in relation to what is going on around me is important.

Where I stand, I learn much more about people by quietly observing them. As a result, I know a lot more about people than what they tell me about themselves. Once I pick up on an inconsistency, (which happens on a daily basis) it’s difficult for me not to notice it in the future. What I have discovered is that I can’t turn this off. I am always aware, so as a result, I only say things that I can properly defend if they’re passed along. I build my case, stack it with facts, dates, and incidents, and then, if challenged, I can present what I’ve collected.

Like a detective.





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